Asparamancy

[chaggle]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...asparagus.html

A fortune teller who uses asparagus to look into the future believes there will be a hung Parliament after using the vegetable to predict the headlines for next year.

Miss Packington, who claims to be the country's first asparamancer, makes her forecasts by throwing the vegetable in the air and analysing how it lands.

Miss Packington, from Pershore, Worcestershire, said: "Vale of Evesham asparagus is not in season at the moment and I refuse to use anything else. I have made my predictions using asparagus sausages which might account for some slight anomalies

[Graham Lappin]

Good grief - if it was 1st April, you'd believe it was a joke wouldn't you. "....asparagus sausages which might account for some slight anomalies" .. . I laughed so much it hurt.

[Admin]

Mystic Jemima Packington has forecast that Gordon Brown will be ousted in the general election while she also predicts the economy will continue on a slow burn.

If either of those predictions come true, I'll be well and truly convinced!

She also believes that England will fare poorly in South Africa and crash out in the first or second round.

She really goes for the long shots, doesn't she?

Miss Packington, from Pershore, Worcestershire, said: "Vale of Evesham asparagus is not in season at the moment and I refuse to use anything else. I have made my predictions using asparagus sausages which might account for some slight anomalies

That's possibly the best pre-emptive get-out clause I've ever seen!

[Graham Lappin]

I've just looked at my cabbage leaves and I predict the sun will rise tomorrow morning.

[Harryprice]

As far as I can tell, all forms of fortune telling are based on random, or near random, phenomena. But what is interesting is, what is the question asked? So, for instance, if you say "Will Gordon Brown be ousted next year?" there are only two realistic answers. If, instead, you asked "what will be the significant world events of next year?" there could be a wide range of possible answers. But even then I suspect that in the mind of the fortune teller, certain likely possibilities will be considered and reduced to yes/no questions. When you ask a yes/no question, you can use almost anything randomish event to predict the future. The odds are limited by the question in your head.

[Croydon Bob]

My magic 2p piece has predicted a win for the Labour Party in the General Election! I'm going to spend it and acquire a new one as I'm losing confidence in its powers.