Damn. And here I was, preparing to spend all my hard-earned dosh on a 2-year blowout
Phew! So many sleepless nights.
It's a good news/bad news situation for believers in the 2012 Mayan apocalypse. The good news is that the Mayan "Long Count" calendar may not end on Dec. 21, 2012 (and, by extension, the world may not end along with it). The bad news for prophecy believers? If the calendar doesn't end in December 2012, no one knows when it actually will - or if it has already.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright, until you hear them speak.
Damn. And here I was, preparing to spend all my hard-earned dosh on a 2-year blowout
Anthony G Williams
Now when have we heard this before? Let's see now. How about the Harmonic Convergence? You remember that, don't you? Course you do - the Mayan calendar ended and the whole world was changed utterly in the blink of an eye when the Space Brothers came down on August 16 1987. Well, a lot of people said that's the way it was going to happen. And perhaps it did! Though clearly in such a subtle fashion that nobody who didn't already believe in it wholeheartedly noticed any difference.
And then we had the double non-whammy of Nostradamus predicting World War III, the Second Coming, or whatever in July 1999, followed by something or other predicted by just about everybody in 2000 because it was a nice round number.
I've read somewhere - I'm afraid I forget where, but it may well have been on Andrew Collins' website - that since then, certain types of New Age book have suffered a terrible slump in sales because people are starting to catch on that the prophecies fail dismally every single time.
Now, I'm all for prophecies. It's a classic way of countering the old "put up or shut up" argument. I salute David Icke for announcing on television to millions of enthralled viewers way back when he was a sufficiently new nutter to be vaguely interesting that Greece would be obliterated by an earthquake of unprecedented fury before the end of the year, and if it wasn't, he was talking rubbish about being the Son of God, and one or two other things besides. Unfortunately he seems to have quietly forgotten that inconvenient little detail, but it seemed quite brave at the time.
Anyway, here we have an intriguing situation. Nobody is altogether clear on what precisely will happen when the Long Count ends, but if you check out what the Mayans thought - and presumably they ought to know - it seems that on the five previous occasions when this happened, the Sun went out but was almost immediately replaced by a slightly different one. Unfortunately in the brief period of chaos most of the world's population will if I remember this correctly (it's extremely hard to recall the precise details of something that makes no sense whatsoever) be eaten by flying jaguars. I'm not too well up on South American botany, but clearly there's something growing in those jungles that you really, really shouldn't smoke.
Oh, and by the way, this is all supposed to happen not just on December 21 2012, but at precisely 11:11 am. Then again, I've heard it said that the Mayan Long Count really ends on the 23rd, but the New Agers have tweaked it to fit the Winter Solstice because in their pick'n'mix pseudo-religion, obviously a bunch of people in South America were in total agreement with European witches who didn't even exist.
Be that as it may, I want to be there at 11:11 on 21/12/2012 (why is this all in binary, by the way?) in the midst of a throng of tremendously excited pyramidiots counting down the seconds until absolutely nothing happens. There was an old "Beyond the Fringe" sketch with Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in which this very situation arose - "Now is the end - perish the world... (awkward pause) Are you sure it was GMT?" - but I want to see the looks on the faces of people who really mean it when the Universe stubbornly refuses to do what the Mayans said it ought to!
Maybe skeptics should hold parties on the same day. We of little faith can count down the seconds until the great anticlimax, then raise a toast to the body-blow that reality has just dealt New Age fuckwittery by carrying on regardless. Of course, we could be wrong. But that's OK, because if we are, what with the Sun going out and the sky suddenly being full of hang-gliding tigers, we've got plenty of excuses not to make a formal apology.
I don't suppose those proponents of this 2012 date will be in evidence to see it fail! That is a shame!
Now there is just the mad Christians who suggest the 'First Rapture' will be in 2015 and Nuclear devastation in 2020 to look stupid. I bet they will find the calculations have gone wrong just before the dates concerned though
I've already promised a few new agey types to send them a New Years card for 2013, but I think the Not The End Of The World Party could be one hell of a bash! How about it folks. The greatest skeptical event ever. A mass toast to the lunacy.
We could even count up how many end of the World predictions are known to have come and gone, and wave that in tha faces of the revelations lot.
I'm up for it. Let's do it folks.
You cannae kid a kidder kiddo!
I'm up for that! We just need a location and a hard sell to whiskey and other alcohol producers to give us their stocks of booze since they would be unable to sell them after the party and, after the end of the world, any money made would be useless too!I think the Not The End Of The World Party could be one hell of a bash!
Tenerife's good for a party ...
Now that sounds attractive! (I was in Tenerife in December once, and the wind was cold and strong most of the time, very disappointing.)
On the other hand, a bunch of skeptics having a party is not the same as gatecrashing a New Age gathering of nuts... personally, having dreadlocks, I would fit right in until the fail of the end, and then I could stand up and start telling them all what's what... I mean it when I say the revolution has been hijacked by hippie capitalists... in the spirit of the 60s activists, I would tell them to wake up and get back to the earth, and in the spirit of the Zippies and the Psychedelic Encyclopedia to get real, get radical, and free their minds of ignorance! So, I'm back to looking for a festival in Britain to gatecrash... anyone up for that?
Yes, count me in! I'm in Scotland but Wales sounds a great place ot party!I'm back to looking for a festival in Britain to gatecrash... anyone up for that?
Ah! But as DrS and I can testify the woo level here in Spain, at least amongst the expat community, is much higher than in the UK. Although having said that it is mostly crystal and angel therapy rather than end of the world stuff...
Stonehenge gets my vote! A great place to celebrate Not the end of the world!
Update! We may not even make it to 21/12/2012 (which is of course not, as I previously said, in binary, but rather trinary - just thinking about this folderol reduces your IQ by 100 points, but I stopped in time and got better). It seems that the Rapture will occur on May 21 2011. And what's more, you can get free bumper stickers to prove it! By the way, you can buy some great stuff on that site - I'm very tempted by the gadget that prints Jesus on toast. There must surely still be people who would buy it on ebay for mad money.
In reply to one of the comments above, I'm pretty sure that there were indeed Harmonic Convergence parties at which glassy-eyed New Age nutters counted down the seconds until nothing whatsoever happened. There was also a very cool Millennium party held in Israel at the precise geographical location of the prophesied battle of Armageddon, but I don't think those guys seriously expected it to happen, otherwise they would have been somewhere else - presumably wherever is on the exact opposite side of the globe from Israel. Hangover + Wrath Of God = not something you want to wake up to.
It's also worth mentioning a very strange story I heard some years ago from a person known as "Dangerous Dave", aka Dave Moncoeur, who I gather turns up at every UFO conference in the whole world ever (except the USA, which - oh the supreme irony! - classifies him as an undesirable alien - yes, really!). This guy is quite clearly a few hags short of the full coven, as it were - not pooing with both cheeks on the seat, if you catch my drift.
Anyway, I forget the exact details, but basically he went to a UFO conference in Iceland (where he developed an abiding fondness for smoked cormorant, which he regularly obtains by mail-order, despite being a vegan - or maybe I misunderstood, and he actually hails from Vega), which was being held there because some noted (but presumably less noted thereafter) psychic had revealed that a Space Brother Mothership a mile long was going to arrive there at a very precise time, and then everything would be wonderful forever. Or something along those lines.
Obviously this didn't happen, somewhat pooping the party, but the explanation - from the same psychic, and which Dave took absolutely at face value - was that on its final approach the starship - remember, this thing is a mile long - got into trouble and crashed. In Yorkshire. But of course the authorities put a cordon round it and bribed everyone who noticed that something unusual had occurred to say nothing to the media, just like they always do. I can only assume that this psychic gentleman was an American unfamiliar with the UK who chose Yorkshire because it's the biggest English county and must therefore contain vast tracts of uninhabited desert. I look forward to seeing what similar excuses the 2012 brigade come up with to explain the inevitable damp squib.
So my conclusion is that there will undoubtedly be gatherings of this kind to be gatecrashed if such is your wont, though they may be somewhat sparsely attended because even this lot know in their heart of hearts that nothing's going to happen, and they'll say that they'll be there and then find some excuse to avoid all the embarrassment. It wouldn't surprise me at all if some pyramidiot books Wembley Stadium and 300 people turn up. Then again, if you recall the "miracle" at Fatima, when the Sun was observed by a large crowd to do extraordinary things which remained invisible to that portion of the crowd whose faith wasn't strong enough, a really well-attended 2012 end-of-the-world-but-start-of-a-new-and-better-one festival may bear witness to astonishing phenomena. Though I doubt that they'll show up on video.
PS - Some of you probably think Dangerous Dave is a figment of my warped imagination. Oh ye of little faith! Have a look at this.