Reply With QuoteWhy did the bakers hands smell bad ?
Cos he was kneeding a poo
John Jackson -dont you fill
you know there are few party very close
dont you fill dancing-ya
dont be angry on my
i am just doing hard job
cohen avshalom charly
israel/haifa
Why did the bakers hands smell bad ?
Cos he was kneeding a poo
What's the difference between 2 porcupines and 2 BMWs?
With the porcupines, the pricks are on the outside.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright, until you hear them speak.
After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!!"
Chico Marx goes to the chemist's.
"Hey", he says, "I wanna deoderant!"
"Certainly", replies the chemist. "Aerosol?"
"No, is for my armapits."
"You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield
I keep getting this terrible feeling of deja woo.
Amazing! I needed a good laugh.
Mary and Joseph knocked on the door of the inn, and Joseph said, "Have you a room for the night, please? My wife's baby is due very soon."
The innkeeper, looking suitably concerned, repled, "I'm sorry there is no room. We are always busy at Christmas."
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright, until you hear them speak.
Quote from the Jamaica Gleaner Sunday July 22nd 07
“You need an understanding of chemistry to do biology; also psychics and chemistry are also overlapping subject areas.”
You guys know nothing!
This is not exactly a "joke" but I enjoyed it!
STUDY: ACTUAL-DEATH EXPERIENCE MORE COMMON THAN NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE
« on: August 05, 2007, 10:12:11 AM »
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM -- A government study has found that "Actual-Death Experiences" are far more common than Near-Death Experiences. According to the results of the study, nearly 11 out of every 10 people will experience an A.D.E. at least once during their lifetime, while only a smaller fraction, 3/10, will experience N.D.E. The study also found that accounts of NDE vary more widely than previously thought, ranging from reports of following a bright light through a tunnel to having sexual encounters with dead celebrities.
It is not immediately clear what an A.D.E. is like, but scientists agree that since N.D.E. is only "nearly" death, Actual-Death Experience must be even better. The scientists were even able to induce A.D.E. in some 25 subjects, finding it easier to induce than N.D.E., but the study group was unable to get reliable reports of A.D.E. As of the time of this article's publication, none of the A.D.E. test subjects have responded to our requests for interviews, and members of their immediate families have been unwilling to comment.
The study is good news for the majority of people on the planet -- in fact, chances are that most of our readers will at some point have the opportunity to experience A.D.E. themselves. Hopefully, some of them will be able to contact our offices or the offices of the ADE Study Group, to help scientists further expand our knowledge of what an A.D.E. is actually like.
Originally Posted by John Jackson
Batty Books
DON'T GIVE UP by Percy Vere.
FRENCH OVERPOPULATION by Francis Crowded
THE LOST BET by Henrietta Hat
HOUSE CONSTRUCTION by Bill Jerome Holme
"Speed Reading" By Paige Turner
"The Chinese Paedophile" By Fuk M Yung
"The Inevitable Occurrence" By Sue Nora Layter
"The Largest Bra In The World" By E. Norma Stitz
"The Size Of My Penis" By Mike Oxlong
"Weeds In My Garden" By Dan D. Lyon
"Breakfast Recipes" By Egon Toast
"Cannibalism" By Henrietta Mann
"Harbouring A Chinese Fugitive" By Hu Yu Hai Ding
"Hole In The Mattress" By Mr. Completely
"Premature Children In China" By Tai Nee Bai Bee
"Set Fire To The Taxman" By Bernardette Collector
hahaha, great man, i see you love to tell jokes
please continue doing this.
Do I detect a hint of spiced pork and ham here???
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright, until you hear them speak.
Some of you may have heard this before but it's a classic
A boy goes upto his father who is sitting on the sofa, reading his paper
He asks his father
"Dad, what's the difference between theory and reality"
After a few moments thought his father says
"Go and find your mother and ask her if she'll sleep with the milkman for £1000,000. After that, ask your sister if she'd sleep with the paper boy for £1000,000."
Ten minutes later, the boy returns with the answer
"They both said yes but how does that answer my question?"
The father replied "Well son, in theory, we are £2000,000 richer. However, in reality we live with a pair of slappers"
I don't know what the hell is in there, but it's weird and pissed off whatever it is.
*sigh*
Well, here's another one. Most likely apocryphal, but cute. :)
What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield
I keep getting this terrible feeling of deja woo.
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